One Down

The moment was this afternoon. I opened a web site that I've long abandoned. Web site that I didn't want to open till next few weeks. But this lightning struck me right to the heart. The announcement had been made and I'm not in the list. Disappointed? The answer is absolutely yes. I'd spent time and money for this. Lots of things I'd done for this.
I realize that not everything must happen like we want it to happen. Few of my friends cheered me up that I belongs to greater thing than that. I have no choice but to believe in it. It's just that belonging to that place is what I want right now. Experiencing the climate, the view, the environment, the living and the culture had been in my mind. Maybe this is the answer for her pray. but I shouldn't blame anyone. This is what's the best for me.
Still expecting for the other two but the rejected one has the biggest chance so I prepare to accept the fact that I won't be in the list for the other two. What ever the result I get I must be prepared. Prepared for the back up plan. Another unexpected road lies ahead promising another adventure (Trying to cheer myself).

Surged like a storm

It's 4 am and I'm very tired right now but I couldn't able to sleep even for a while. Something have been surged like a storm in my mind all night long. Have you ever been a situation where you're about to do something you really want to do and you've planning to do it a long time ago, but suddenly the condition and people around you won't let you do it?
This situation is happening to me. I've been dreaming, planning, sacrificing and working for years to get this done. And when it's near the moment of truth, storm came out of nowhere. I don't wanna let it go easily. I know I have a small chance but if I have to fail then it won't because I don't give it a shot. This is the first time in my life where seeing my dream comes true would be the most painful activity. It would disappoint someone I care most in this world. Someone who are willing to die for me but won't let me do the same thing for her. She is the last living person on earth who I want to disappoint.
For couple of hours I don't know what I have to do after she said that. Do I really have to retreat? For all my life I tried so hard to make her proud of me. Every plan and every action I took always put the same goal. To see her smile upon me.
But now everything's change I have to re-evaluate what's important for me. It's quite obvious that some one has to sacrifice, someone has to give up hope. The result of deciding who has to give up would be effecting the rest of my life. Sorry for being dramatic but this might true. In this very short moment I'm expecting a miracle for a win-win solution.