Activities Week

For this entire week I have activities from sunday to sunday. Unlike most of my days, which I spent most of the time in front of computers, this week I spent most of time doing outdoor activities. The reason why I spent most of my time doing indoor activities was because outdoor activities are big-money-consuming activities. Place I visited most of those time was campus. I got bored visiting that place because I've seen it for over 5 years now. That's why when I went outside I usually didn't visit campus. Because other places are quite far from my hostel then I need transportation. Since I don't have any vehicle for transportation then obviously I have to pay for public transportation. And usually I spent more money for lunch and buying stuffs which interest me. That's why I choose indoor activities.
But this week is quite different. I spent lost of time outside. Not just wandering around but for reasons. Quite good reasons. I attended few test this week and preparing my next applications.Working on tests, medical checkup and filling applications requirement become my recent activities. Maybe this is because the next application deadline is near. Wow I really am a true deadliner. I finished most of my research proposal in a night. Beside those activities I tried to start the day by jogging. Quite healthy I guess although I only took few laps and spent most of the time talking with a friend and taking breakfast :P

Confused Englishman or Confused me?

Few days ago I received letter from University of Reading informing that I got accepted as a student there. Quite confusing, I thought they didn't put me in the student list since I told them that without scholarship it would be impossible for me to attend the course. And I wasn't in the scholarship list.
I felt reluctant to contact them because I thought, I already knew the answer. This afternoon I thought that it would be nice if I ask him whether the university can defer the offer till next year. Meanwhile I'll seek to secure my funding there. So I sent email to the postgraduate officer tell him that I'm gonna working on chevening this year however the fund won't be available till next year, if I get that lucky. He told me that he can make that kind of deferment. It was quite surprising, I thought it will be a strict rule for this kind of condition.
Then I asked him again what should I do to complete the deferment procedure. He said that sending him an email would be enough and when I heard some news from chevening I should contact him at once. This only applies for good news :D And he said again if I didn't get that good news than I should make completely new application for next year.
Doh, didn't I make myself clear enough in the first email. I told him clearly that the funds available next year and that only happens if I get lucky. Does this mean that not all europeans are smart so there'll be no different between them and us? I was right at the first place. I already knew the answer :D Well then I know one thing for sure that this one has to go as well. So bye bye Reading....

How long u gonna hold on?

Yesterday I met a senior of mine. he's an alumni originated from the same town like mine. One of my lecturer thought it was quite odd for me not knowing him. Well u can't expect me to know all of them. There's lots of us and dispersed all over Bandung.
He's going to Qatar for a new position in one of the oil company there. The salary he earned and he's gonna get in Qatar was quite alluring. A young man with 6 years experiences in oil service does make a difference. We did a long chat accompanied by one of the lecturer from IF. She is one of us too.
After lunch he told what happened after he graduated. He worked at astragraphia and then accepted at Schlumberger. He's married man with 2 children. He told me about life he was planning and the life he's willing to achieve. He asked himself few moments after graduated. How long I'm gonna live my life like this? Having a house, a car and financial safety for the family are the goals. He's right. This adventurous life has to end someday. Time is prescious at the moment. Each day could mean an opportunity.
Writing research proposal, applying for alternative job, but still working on the indefinite product will be carried more seriously. Focus on my future and try not to make mistakes.

Family's Challenge

Last week I visited a friend's daughter in a hospital. She was ill. It wasn't light disease after all. It was very sad what happened to my friend and his family. She was less than 2 months old, yet she had to carry that pain. On that moment too my other friend also told me that his son also must carry out a surgery. Whatta a life.
By looking at my friend and his wife, gave me strength and also fear at the same. Why's that? I couldn't imagine how hard this time for them. Especially at this rate of earning. I always thinking with my current condition, it will be difficult to have a family. Family needs lots resource to keep them secure. Family doesn't deserve to be put on jeopardy. I don't blame my friends who already married. In fact I admire their courage. These conditions gave me a valuable lesson to be grateful to what I have. My other friend told me that because I'm the youngest in my team, the pressure on me would be lighter that anyone. I can't disagree. He was right. But here I am still complaining and feel stressful.
What happened to my friends also gave me strength to run this life to the fullest. What happen to me right now is much lighter than what's happened to my friends. This feeling of depression has to disappear.
One faith that one day this whole thing would change. Everything would be much better than today. Rejected applications, uncertain future someday would be replaced by a much brighter day. And one last hope that when that day come I still have people I care.

The Pursuit of "The Pursuit of Happiness"

Yes the movie was released last year but due to lack of information as well as lack of willingness to sacrifice about 20.000 rupiahs made me watched this movie few days ago. My friend told me about this movie earlier but I thought I already watched the movie. But it turned out that I was wrong.
This movie, in my point of view, is great. It was very inspiring, it told me to hang in there, it gave me hopes about the promising future of hardworks. The story was about a man who had not enough money to rent a shelter for him and his son, absolutely homeless, he and his son had to move from one place to another. They often stayed at flophouse. They even slept in locked bathroom at subway station. However this man never gave up. He joined stockbroker internship, which gave him no money, and working as a sales person, who seldom sold his merchandise, at the same time. He insisted to keep his son because he made a promise that his children must know who their father was unlike him who knew his father at 28. His wife left him, His friend refused to give him financial support during those difficult moments.
The happy ending was the man got accepted as stockbroker and his life getting better since then.
The movie was based on true story of Christofer Paul Gardner, CEO and founder of Gardner Rich. I did a little research about this man and I found out that his company was awarded by former President Bill Clinton as the best investment company in USA with assets of more than 1 million USD. At the end of the movie Christofer Gardner himself made appearance. I didn't notice at the first time but when I rewinded the movie, yeap, that's got to be him.
The result of my research is little bit different. In the movie Mr. Gardner became homeless before he became a stockbroker but I read in wikipedia that he was homeless after he got promoted as a stockbroker. Many details about his past was not presented in the movie. This is quite understandable because the movie's duration won't fit to cover all his interesting life story. One more thing, Chris Gardner and his son was homeless for almost a year. Quite endurance, wasn't it?
Amazing how a homeless man that lack of money, just a money for food and transportation, and had to support a toddler could manage this far. He was only high school-graduate person. His first dream was to become a doctor but due to many obstacles he had to alter his dream. He worked as a sales person for a medical supply company where he found a very little money to support his family. In the movie this was the reason why his wife left him.
The movie taught me something that starting enterpreneurship doesn't have to be young and single. Chris Gardner found his way to do this. He was over 28 at that moment and he had a son to support. I was too influenced by those silicon valley giants.
Yes, the world belongs to creative people. Must think some way that others hasn't think of it! Let me quote words from Chris Gardner to his son. It said more less like this "Don't let anyone, including myself, say that you can't do anything. If you have a dream then protect it!".
I have a dream and it isn't like to-have-a-dream dream. A real dream. Actually it was two dreams twisted together. This twisted dream was heavily influenced by previous heroes I knew before this guy. And this dream is very hard to achieve since I got rejected several times. Does this mean I can achieve happiness like Chris Gardner if I alter my dream? Hmm happiness and money sure are difficult to separate, aren't they?

One Down

The moment was this afternoon. I opened a web site that I've long abandoned. Web site that I didn't want to open till next few weeks. But this lightning struck me right to the heart. The announcement had been made and I'm not in the list. Disappointed? The answer is absolutely yes. I'd spent time and money for this. Lots of things I'd done for this.
I realize that not everything must happen like we want it to happen. Few of my friends cheered me up that I belongs to greater thing than that. I have no choice but to believe in it. It's just that belonging to that place is what I want right now. Experiencing the climate, the view, the environment, the living and the culture had been in my mind. Maybe this is the answer for her pray. but I shouldn't blame anyone. This is what's the best for me.
Still expecting for the other two but the rejected one has the biggest chance so I prepare to accept the fact that I won't be in the list for the other two. What ever the result I get I must be prepared. Prepared for the back up plan. Another unexpected road lies ahead promising another adventure (Trying to cheer myself).

Surged like a storm

It's 4 am and I'm very tired right now but I couldn't able to sleep even for a while. Something have been surged like a storm in my mind all night long. Have you ever been a situation where you're about to do something you really want to do and you've planning to do it a long time ago, but suddenly the condition and people around you won't let you do it?
This situation is happening to me. I've been dreaming, planning, sacrificing and working for years to get this done. And when it's near the moment of truth, storm came out of nowhere. I don't wanna let it go easily. I know I have a small chance but if I have to fail then it won't because I don't give it a shot. This is the first time in my life where seeing my dream comes true would be the most painful activity. It would disappoint someone I care most in this world. Someone who are willing to die for me but won't let me do the same thing for her. She is the last living person on earth who I want to disappoint.
For couple of hours I don't know what I have to do after she said that. Do I really have to retreat? For all my life I tried so hard to make her proud of me. Every plan and every action I took always put the same goal. To see her smile upon me.
But now everything's change I have to re-evaluate what's important for me. It's quite obvious that some one has to sacrifice, someone has to give up hope. The result of deciding who has to give up would be effecting the rest of my life. Sorry for being dramatic but this might true. In this very short moment I'm expecting a miracle for a win-win solution.